Losing a loved one is never easy, especially when you’re a parent trying to explain that loss to your child. My father passed away very suddenly in 2021, before my daughter was even born. He never got the chance to meet her, yet I know in my heart he would have loved her dearly. Writing this is not only my way of remembering him, but also of sharing how we as mums can keep memories alive while gently introducing our children to the idea of loss.

Memories That Make Me Smile

One of my favourite memories of my dad is captured in a video I saved—one of the very last of him. He was downstairs helping to renovate the bathroom, applying sealant to the wall where the shower would eventually go. The sealant was an unusually bright pink, and I teased him by calling it “Pepto Bismol.” In the video, he smiles and says, “No, we apply the Pepto Bismol… mmm, nice Pepto Bismol.”

It makes me laugh every single time I watch it. Those moments—the funny quirks, the little inside jokes—are what stay with us and bring comfort long after our loved ones are gone.

Another memory that has grown more meaningful over time is his love of public speaking. He worked hard to perfect it through Toastmasters, and he often repeated the phrase (which drove me crazy at the time): “Now is the time for all good men to come to the aid of the party.” Looking back, I can almost hear his voice saying it, and it now feels like a gift rather than an annoyance.

Keeping My Dad’s Memory Alive for My Daughter

Even though my daughter never met her grandfather, I talk about him often. In my mum’s bedroom, there’s a beautiful photo of the three of us—my mum, my dad, and me as a toddler, about the same age my daughter is now. She has looked at that picture many times and, without any prompting, she points and says, “Grandad.”

Right now, I keep things simple for her. I tell her that her grandad is watching over her, or that he’s in heaven. As she grows older, I’ll share more stories and bring out albums so she can learn more about the man who shaped so much of who I am today.

Explaining Loss to Children of Different Ages

Every child understands death in their own way, and I believe it’s important to meet them where they are. For very young children, simple terms or comforting ideas—like “they’re watching over us” or “they’re in heaven”—can help them feel safe.

As children grow, it’s natural for them to ask more questions. My advice is to always take the time to answer, ask if they understand, and never dismiss their curiosity. When I lost my grandfather in 2006, my family chose to let my last memory of him be when he was lively and talking in hospital, rather than seeing him after he passed. I want the same for my daughter when the time comes—memories of life and love, rather than loss.

Healing and Honouring Loved Ones

Grief never fully disappears, but we learn how to live with it. For me, the thought that my loved ones are watching over me brings peace. It helps me feel grounded and calm, even in difficult moments. I don’t “talk” to them, but I do carry their presence in my heart.

Counselling has also been a powerful outlet—I talk about my dad often in my monthly sessions, and it allows me to process feelings in a safe space. Remembering him through laughter, rather than just grief, has been the most healing. I choose to honour the fun times: the jokes, the quirks, the joy.

I also believe that creating rituals—like memory boxes, photo albums, or lighting a candle—are beautiful ways to keep someone’s memory alive. These acts give children a tangible way to connect with the loved ones they may not remember clearly but can grow up knowing about.

What My Dad Taught Me

Looking back, I see how my father shaped who I am today.

  • He taught me to view the world with laughter.

  • He instilled the importance of being punctual.

  • And he showed me that there is always more than one way to solve a problem.

These lessons are his legacy, and I hope to pass them down to my daughter so that even though she never met him, she will still feel his influence in her life.

Gentle Advice for Other Parents

If you’re a parent navigating grief while raising a child, my heart is with you. A few gentle reminders:

  • Children process grief differently depending on their age—let them ask questions and guide the pace.

  • Share stories, laughter, and memories regularly; they keep your loved one’s spirit alive.

  • Honour your own grief—seek support, talk openly, and give yourself permission to heal.

Most importantly: remember that love doesn’t end when life does.

A Quote to Hold Onto

“Grief is the price we pay for love.” – Queen Elizabeth II

For me, grief is softened when I choose to remember the love, laughter, and life of the person I lost.

Call to Action

How do you keep the memory of a loved one alive for your children? Do you have special traditions, sayings, or rituals you’d like to share? I’d love to hear your stories—drop them in the comments below so we can support one another in this journey of love, loss, and remembrance.

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